11 Tips to Avoid and Manage Marital Disputes

Marriages usually start off so well. Everyone cooperates — the couple, their parents, other relatives, and friends. Things usually run smoothly.

But somewhere along the way, marital disputes pop up. This is of course natural, but these may escalate to dangerous levels if not addressed correctly.

  1. Money

Couples argue over many things but cash is undoubtedly one of the most frequent and serious. The remedy would be to discuss issues openly and consult within the household.

For Example, the issue of a spouse working outside the house can become a controversial one. This should rather be discussed before marriage. Additionally, if she does decide to work and the husband insists, does she need to donate a certain portion to family expenditures or will she keep all of the money for herself (that is the wife’s right in Islam)?

One of the ways to prevent arguments about money is to just make a simple budget that monitors expenses, investments, income, and establishes a framework for taking care of frequent family necessities.

Additionally, learn how to create a budget and deal with debt. If you are a young student, bear in mind you need to pay off student loans. You also need to know where to find interest-free loans and what help is available.

  1. In-laws

In-laws would be the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. However there are ways to keep a good relationship together. Here are a few tips:

Recall your spouse’s parents have known your husband Longer and loved him more. Never make a problem about “me or them”.

Let individual parties settle their own disputes. If your Mother-in-law has a issue with her husband, let them deal with this. Don’t interfere.

Do not tell your partner how to improve his relationship with his parents.

Anticipate some modification time for parents after marriage to Adjust to this new connection.

Remember that moms are usually skeptical about Daughter-in-laws and dads about son-in-laws.

Always treat your in-laws with empathy, respect and mercy.

Maintain a balance between your own needs and that of your in-laws.

Never compare your spouse to your daddy.

Don’t visit your parents with your quarrels.

If you’re encouraging your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.

Do not stop your partner from visiting family unless you Fear for their faith and safety.

Do not disclose secrets.

Make time to learn your in-laws but remain out of the disputes.

Maintain the Adaab (etiquettes) of Islam along with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e.no hugging or kissing).

You’re not obliged to spend every weekend together with your in-laws unless your husband asks you to.

Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.

Be forgiving and maintain your sense of humor.

Recall that nobody can hinder or affect your Marriage if you don’t allow them to.

Invite in-laws at least once a month for a meal.

Visit them when you can and encourage your partner to Pay a visit to his parents and regularly check on them.

When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should occur. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.

3. Parenting

The tug of war that results from various understandings of what parenting is, is also a source of tension in marriage. One solution is to begin learning about Islamic parenting prior to having kids. If you already have children, you can still learn.

Stress

Anxiety is an almost constant factor in many people’s lives in North America. Muslim couples are no exception. Stress from work, as an instance, is carried to the home.

Couples and families need to work out a working mechanism in the family. As an example, couples can take a walk to discuss the day or go to the Masjid for a minimum of one prayer. They could read Qur’aan separately or collectively. The methods may vary, but so long as they’re Halaal and operate, they may be used.

Domestic violence

This is a very sad reality and unless it is dealt with promptly by victims, perpetrators and/or those worried about them both, then the household will break. Seeking help is essential and if domestic violence isn’t stopped, the damaging effects won’t only be bad for the husband and wife, but for their children also.

Family members, friends and Imaams will need to stop the abuse. They have to intervene and work on getting help for the husband and the wife.

Spiritual incompatibility

This is an increasing problem within the Muslims. There’s a disturbing lack of tolerance among young Muslims, especially, who might get sucked into cult-like groups that preach a “we are right and everybody else is wrong” mentality.

This intolerance is being moved to unions, where a couple may differ on minor points of religion. Married couples must understand the difference between an Islamically acceptable difference of opinion and one which is not. They have to develop a tolerance, balance and respect for their differences on this basis.

Sexual dysfunction

This is among the least talked about issues, but it’s one which is wreaking havoc in several of marriages. Many couples who are marrying aren’t studying the Islamic perspective on marriage and sex. Because of this, when they’re not pleased with their spouse, lots of these may turn to others or seek out easy divorce, rather than a solution.

Couples need to understand that the marital relationship in this area, as in others, needs patience and work and can’t be the subject of whims and impatience. Knowledge, practice and when possible, the help of a wise, compassionate scholar are key elements in finding an answer for this issue.

Interfaith marriages

Islam forbids marriage between Muslim women and non-Muslim men. There are several Muslim girls who have taken this step and regretted it afterwards. This kind of action, in the majority of Muslim families, results from the girl being isolated from her family with no support. Because of this, when marital disputes do arise, parental support, which is there for many Muslim couples, isn’t there for these girls. These Muslim women can also experience guilt for disobeying Allah and damaging their own parents.

In other cases, Muslim girls ask non-Muslim guys they want to wed to convert shortly before the union to appease their parents. Again this may cause marital disputes. Two things usually happen. Either the guy becomes a genuinely practicing Muslim and the couple is no longer compatible; or he is bombarded with Muslims in the community needing to invite him to Islaam and he gets angry and might hate Islaam.

In the case of Muslim men marrying Christian and Jewish Women, the situation differs. While Islam does permit this, Muslim men marrying Jews and Christians will need to remember that living in the West, should they end up divorcing, the kids will almost automatically be provided to the mother. Also, do not forget that the mother is the child’s most important college. If you would like your children to develop as practicing Muslims, you’re better off marrying a practicing Muslim girl, particularly in the West, in which the unIslamic cultural influences outside the home are powerful enough. Inside the house, it is going to become even more difficult to keep an Islamic influence if a mother isn’t a practicing Muslim herself.

Intercultural marriages

While Islam does not prohibit intercultural marriages, they can become a source of anxiety when Muslims, primarily the few, but also their families, make their culture more important than Islaam. If parental support is there for an intercultural marriage, things are smoother for the bunch. If there’s not, and if there’s even hostile resistance on the part of one or both sets of parents, then it might be better not to marry the individual in the long term.

Deficiency of domestic skills

While women are being encouraged to become scientists, Engineers and physicians, for example, there’s little to no emphasis being placed on gaining national skills. It ought to be recalled that in Islam, while women aren’t prohibited from working within Islamic guidelines, and men are invited to assist with housework, women’s primary duty is inside the house as a house manager and mother. As a consequence of the lack of national skills, many married couples find themselves in cluttered homes, where foods lack proper nutrition and generally speaking, there’s frustration.

The contemporary Muslim woman meets the conservative Muslim man

While young Muslim girls of the West are being invited to be strong and confident, boys are being raised in exactly the exact same way and with the identical cultural expectations as their dads. Because of this, young couples face a tug of war, once the conservative, young Muslim boy won’t lift a finger around the house (because he never saw his daddy do so) along with his young Muslim spouse expects him to pitch in, as the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) did with his wives.

The spouse needs to be wise in dealing with such problems Islamically by controlling her tongue and anticipating the reward from Allah. Being patient and persevering and looking-out to get a fantastic opportunity in which to sit peacefully and resolve these issues with her partner she will discover many blessings indeed.